Handling rejection

In this article you will learn

-The rejections and the rejections - the basics
-21 instances - where it is rejection - even though it is subtle in few cases
-16 basic yet crucial understanding - to understand rejection and to reframe them in healthy manner
-45 ways to handle rejection in positive, powerful and constructive ways
-7 lessons - if it is a real rejection or perceived one - rejection you should pay attention to or ignore OR rejections where you need to work on yourself
-The Sugar-Coated recent rejection I received
-Brilliant and Creative ways of teacher's feedback - which actually rejects parent's tall-claim about the genius of their wards - Taken from Internet

Handling rejection - Dealing with rejections in your life - how to use the negative energy of rejections to make your life bigger, larger and greater.

Becoming rejection-proof - How to get over rejections fast

Even to the best, the most intelligent, the most brilliants, the most knowledgeable, the most beautiful, the most powerful, the most qualified, the most successful and the richest people – REJECTION HAPPENS.

If you see the celebrities and most famous persons – they have faced rejections like no one - many of them at the peak of their life.

In the movie Forrest Gump – Tom Hanks says "Sh*t Happens" - yes rejection happens - ask any sales-person.

In fact - if you can claim that you have finally arrived in life - chances are that, you would have had a long list of rejections - AND - only after these - you would have come into hall of fame category.

Rejections sucks big time - especially when you are depending on something or someone - and are attached emotionally in a big way - with whatever outcomes you are seeking.

There is no way, to numb - the pain, hurt and disappointments of being rejected.

Although, You can train yourself not to feel anything – but the worst part is that this habit would also kill your ability to feel positive emotions like, happiness, thrills, excitements, fun, laughter, joy, closeness, successful, being at the top of the world - ALSO.

In fact, rejection along with many so called powerfully negative emotions, has the possibility of, actually metamorphosing your life in an unimaginable way, when you learn to disassociate from your pain, look objectively and identify, the weaknesses and the lessons and the truth it has brought-out.

Having being rejected in every aspect of life, millions of times [I have stopped counting how many ways and times -since many years] - I have realized that - the best antidote to overcome rejection is developing thick-skin by being continuously involved, engaged and busy in taking actions towards your passion and dreams - on every day basis.

Plus - not place too much attachments - to any one particular outcomes and person - too deeply.

This would ensure that, even if you happen to feel bad, heart-broken, miserable, rejected or dejected - you are able to shrug-off and move on.

Although at that time - you will have to feel and go through the extreme pain - and the degree of your pain would depend on the depth of your attachments.

You would be surprised to know that this realization and learning has happened only in last 12-18 months.

Practicing this has not only given me back my sanity BUT also have made me focus and use this powerful energy toward constructive creations.

Even if the rejection is disguised with sugar-coating - it is nothing but rejection - Like the one I received recently [given at the end of this article - to showcase - irrespective of the words used - the end result is that - You did not get what you were looking for.

I have also given in the end - brilliantly creative (and supposedly true teacher's messages/ feedback/ requests to few parents – highlighting the current state of teacher's disempowerment as well as parental empowerment of their wards)] - to highlight another way of rejection.

21 instances - where it is rejection - even though it is subtle in few cases

1.In India - we have this birthright thing - for being born in a special category - that can actually give someone riches while rejecting the real worthy and meritorious ones - one example is that the general category students have to score 340 plus marks to get in the same institutes - where these categories would need mere 5 or 10 marks - sounds unbelievable
2.In spite of your doing well in an interview - you got rejected for flimsy reasons - maybe because someone connected with power got in
3.The person you worshiped -ignored you or took you for granted or took advantage of you
4.Someone broke-up with you - whom you treated as your life and gave almost everything to them
5.Someone said just said no - to what - you deserve and are part of your basic rights
6.You have gone out of your way to help, accommodate and rescue someone – unconditionally – but they didn't even acknowledge - what you did - because they feel it is their right and that you have to do those things
7.Your selfless and helpful actions and words - were twisted as something sinister - by those for whom you did
8.Your 99 positive and highly valued contribution is ignored and 1 negative act is highlighted
9.Someone expressed their appreciation of you when talking with you in private – but in the public made fun of you -on same grounds
10. Someone didn't honor their commitment and promise to you
11. When someone always remembers you and seeks your help at the time of their need – but expresses their inability to help – when you need
12. Maybe someone whom you respect highly - puts you down - insults - provokes you unnecessarily
13. Shares with others - what you shared in confidence
14. Being passed over for a promotion by undeserving
15. Ignored for a plum assignment
16. Losing out on sales to a competitor
17. Getting a meager salary hike than expected
18. Seniors or team leaders choosing someone else over you
19. Your heartthrob dumps you in favor of someone more - whatever [you fill in with your word]
20. Your coworker or senior - took credit for your idea, your efforts and contributions
21. You were publicly criticized for errors in a proposal

16 basic yet crucial understanding - to understand rejection and to reframe them in healthy manner

1.Understand and practice believing that- rejection is an inevitable part of your life
2.No one can avoid pain, rejection, failures, break-ups, rejection or anything like that from not happening
3.You can make yourself immune to feeling negative emotions - but those will also make to numb to feeling positive powerful emotions
4.You only feel rejected - by the people - with whom you are attached emotionally very closely and very deeply with
5.You will feel rejected - if you are totally dependent on an outcome happening in a certain way
6.Remember this law - nothing will happen as per your expectations or plan
7.You can only be betrayed by people - whom you trust blindly
8.Avoiding pain is the worst thing
9.Ignoring the signals that something is not right - will make it so complex and bad - that later expert treatments and cure may not work
10. Suppressing the pain of rejection or using any negative habits such as substance-abuse or relationship-on-rebound - will make the situation and your condition worse – you will find many kidney failures cases and numerous other complications - in the people who pop-in pills whenever they used to feel pain
11. Feeling, realizing and accepting pain - actually gives you the tools to increase your emotional intelligence and also capability for success, happiness and relationships
12. Many times - these pains would make you completely become hopeless and depressed, it is alright for a while.
13. But if your intensity of pain and depressions - doesn't decrease with time – then you need to need professional help - otherwise it will manifest in various long term complex psychological issues impacting you and your loved ones
14. If you've been hit by a really bad rejection - it's normal to have a powerful emotional reaction to it - you may feel faint, dizzy too shocked, mentally paralyzed etc.
15. You may even feel that there is no point in living life anymore. But it should last for few hours to couple of days. In case of having suicidal thoughts even after 3-4 days – please immediately seek medical expert's help
16. Help your healing process by reminding yourself that eventually - this pain will go away and that there's no embarrassment or disappointment that lasts forever

45 ways to handle rejection in positive, powerful and constructive ways

1.Acknowledge your emotions
2.Admit to yourself that you are hurting
3.Talk to a good friend – get another perspective
4.Stop chasing the one who rejected you - as it is almost always a losing proposition
5.In fact, if you got rejected by someone you are too much attached with and start compromising with your self-respect, you would eventually feel even worse
6.Accept that the person who rejected you really doesn't want to be with you, yes it may seem impossible initially, but having been there, I know it is possible
7.After you have accepted this rejection and have felt the pain - you need to start working on moving with your life
8.Start by identifying, the opportunity it has opened up in front of you to live a more meaningful and powerful life
9.Also explore, how you can make a new beginning
10. If you don't feel like doing anything, just don't force yourself to do anything that others ask you to do
11. Take a break, in a way, that is so different that, you are fully involved/occupied/engaged in that thing on full time basis
12. Once your pain has become dull, look at that rejection, and identify, what were your fault – without feeling guilty
13. If it was job interview or any such professional/business thing – work on finding an effective way to handle that objection
14. Stop feeling and acting like a victim, instead learn the effective methods to turnaround your life after this crisis*
15. If somebody has said no to you, find out what can you do to change that into yes, by developing the skills, capabilities, knowledge, expertise, qualifications to ace it next time with that organization or with that person
16. In matter of heart, if you are rejected, you can talk to me as dating counseling to understand why you got rejected or what you can do to earn the admiration next time with that person or a different one [but please don't use the Hindi movies way of stalking or pestering – it doesn't work and it is also criminal]
17. Work on polishing what you can offer the person who will choose you, work on creating qualitative distinctions between you and the others – in both professionally and in the matter of heart
18. You can also explore for whom, you ae the one - catch-up with those who accept and enjoy being with you
19. Reframe your rejection in positive ways – ask your well-wishers, why this rejection, is actually better for you. Pick the ones resonates with you & stick it your sub-conscious
20. Choose your next prospect, with careful preparation and selecting among possible options
Understand that your crush / this job/ this organization/ this choice is not the only thing available in the universe
21. Engage in physical activities, exercises, hobbies
22. Learn something new
23. Travel to new places and cultures
24. Make new friends
25. Take a challenging goal or pursuits that makes you feel excited about the future
26. Consider online counseling – get in touch with us
27. Understand that rejection is a sign you're experiencing life to the fullest, as you are pursuing a larger objective. Only ensure that it is not a pipe dream and you are grounded in your expectations
28. Realize that the only approval that truly matters is your self-approval. 30. Quit over-analyzing
29. Seek feedback or constructive criticism from people you trust & correct yourself accordingly
30. Learn to manage your emotions
31. Don't let your rejections define your present and thereby your future
32. Find reasons to celebrate your rejections - like how you have been able to find a most effective way to convince others
33. If you have been rejected on the grounds of competency, skills and knowledge - recalibrate and try again - odds are you will find a stronger, more creative solution than you did originally
34. Understand many times the rejection isn't always about you
35. Have an appropriate grieving period
36. Know when to quit and when to use all your will power and inner resources to go on
37. Remember it is within your right to say No and reject what others demand - if you don't like it
38. Start competing with yourself
39. Stop comparing yourself with others
40. Challenge your assumption by separating the facts from your filtered interpretations
41. Be yourself, stop being afraid of criticism
42. Express your opinion
43. Learn to reject and say no* be assertive
44. Don't blame, make excuse or look for easy way out – take personal responsibility 47. Learn the art of turning an awkward situation into humor
45. Learn the art of proofing yourself from the pain of rejection, by knowing how to deal with difficult person*

7 lessons - if it is a real rejection or perceived one - rejection you should pay attention to or ignore OR rejections where you need to work on yourself

1.Rejections which are real - and you need not try again
2.Rejections which are not your fault
3.Rejections where you need to put effort into to ensure not getting rejected in future for these reasons
4.Rejections you need to learn to reject
5.Understand where you are Overgeneralizing - to create a victim and martyr mindset - which may make you feel rejected - even when you were not
6.Know when you are blaming yourself - even when - it was not under your area of control
7.Will become aware - when you start labeling and judging yourself - attaching a fixed judgment to the self, after a negative experience

The Sugar-Coated recent rejection I received

Hi Subhashis,

Thank you very much for your interest in volunteering for the Stanford Seed Consulting Program. I appreciate your note yesterday and it was a pleasure talking with you as well. We know it takes a considerable amount of time to prepare and apply for the program, and we appreciate the amazing passion and commitment that you have demonstrated.

The selection committee was very impressed with your background and skillsets, but unfortunately did not see a good match for our clients at this time. This being said, i highly encourage you to reapply in the future, after additional years of experience.

Thank you again for your enthusiasm and patience throughout the application process. I enjoyed speaking with you, and wish you the best with your future endeavors.

Warm regards,

Xxxxx

Brilliant and Creative ways of teacher's feedback - which actually rejects parent's tall-claim about the genius of their wards - Taken from Internet

Now a days teachers are not allowed to say or write anything negative... A few interesting letters from teachers to get around this.......

1. Dear parent,
we are delighted to inform you that your child displays remarkable initiative. Not for him the simple-minded obedience to teachers. We refer to his admirable refusal to do homework. We have, however, humbly requested him to stoop to our level and condescend to do his homework. Your support is appreciated.
Yours anxiously,
teacher

2. Dear parent,
your child's distaste for mundane subjects such as mathematics shows an imaginative mind. Why, he wonders, does the square of the hypotenuse have to be equal to the square of the other two sides in a right-angled triangle? It is no wonder that he has scored a splendid zero in his math exam. Unfortunately, even brilliant students have to pass exams. Could you gently break that news to him?
Yours entreatingly,
teacher

3. Dear parent,
we are pleased your child has one of the same qualities that henry ford, the founder of the ford motor company, possessed. Like him, your son believes that history is bunk. But it may be best to disabuse him of the notion that the Mughal emperors were Amar, Akbar and Anthony.
Yours beseechingly,
teacher

4. Dear parent,
your child submitted a blank paper for last week's science test, influenced perhaps by Albert Camus who said 'whether the earth or the sun revolves around the other is a matter of profound indifference'. Your son shares that profound indifference, undoubtedly for philosophical reasons. But could you inform him that in order to study philosophy, he has to pass class eight first?
Yours plaintively,
teacher

5. Dear parent,
your son has obviously read Friedrich Nietzsche's beyond good and evil, which is why he was copying from the boy next to him during yesterday's test. Like Nietzsche, he believes that supermen like him have little use for conventional notions of morality. The teacher who caught him copying is a conventional type who gave him a zero.
Yours desperately,
teacher

6. Dear parent,
we are impressed by your child's knowledge of martial arts. In the past month, he has broken two legs, four arms and three noses. He also shows prudence while fighting, taking care to pick on weaker boys. For some reason, however, the fathers of the boys who were beaten up are planning to go to your home with hockey sticks.
Yours wretchedly,
teacher

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